Spirit and your Faith weakens and then Prayer seems to go away too.
I think I wanted what I wanted so badly that I didn't want to know what the Lord wanted me to do I didn't even care. I had felt like he had let me down. But then it feels like Rock Bottom because you are alone, the Spirit leaves, and it is so easy for anger and Satan to entice you.
There have been other times in my life when I experienced this- I remember living in Hawaii having made a lot of bad choices, being on my own for the first time and wanting to do what ever I wanted. I remember feeling Rock Bottom again. I had called my Dad and he asked me when was the last time that I had asked the Lord for help in Prayer. I felt how much my Dad cared and I was reminded how much the Savior cared and wanted to talk to me. The feelings were so strong that remembering it 13 years later still brings all of those feelings back. As soon as I turned to daily Personal Prayer my life took a turn in a better direction. I felt the Saviors warning and promptings and I chose Faith- faith to follow what He was saying.
The Move out to Arizona took some prayer and faith and LISTENING. Just finding the right renters- knowing when it was time to leave our house (Robs company was sooo flexible- he had been telecommuting for over 6 months when we chose to leave and they would have given us longer,) and where to live when we came here.
When I first saw the house that Robert has chosen I was in Disgust. (Pic below of the dirt and my bleach/soapy rag that had cleaned the white line!) I said no and for 2 weeks looked every day for a new place to rent with no success. One day in a prayer of desperation, Heavenly Father told me that the yucky house was to be where we would live and that I could handle it! I was in shock and I asked again but got the same answer. (The second picture is the white wall that I cleaned and then painted! I was so happy!) It took 3 solid days of cleaning and scrubbing to make the place livable. But it fit all of our things and was sooooo cheap. Literally half the price of everything else on the market. I was still trying to have Faith in my Prayer when I went to church for the first time later that week and met so many amazing people. The Spirit confirmed again that we were in the right place.
I cant even tell you what that Decision has done for our marriage and our finances. We were able to get a much needed computer, do tons of repairs on our cars, pay off our moving expenses, save money, save money for our Rental house in Midvale, AND Rob and I didn't need a second job in the evening to be able to have extra money. We've had sooooo much time as a family to do EVERYTHING! We have tried all kinds of fun activities and had more dates and good times with the kids. Our family is soo much stronger.
Over and over again I have been reminded about that ONE choice and I have been filled with Gratitude towards God. I have turned to him for Prayer again on a regular basis.
Some other examples lately include:
Not wanting to get out of bed being sick of my KIDS, sick of being Pregnant, and tired of the monotony of taking care of a family. I literally had the covers over my face saying a prayer that I could just get out of bed and function for the day. My friend Nancy texted me that she had extra tickets for Disney on Ice that day and that I would need to leave in an hour to get there on time. I was going to write back No Thanks when then Spirit told me that this was the answer to my prayer. I got out of bed and started the shower and within the hour we left. I was trying to be hopeful- not wanting to go do this- but when I saw how happy my kids were my attitude changed. The Day ended up being soooo fun. The tickets started a chain of events and we didn't get home until 9 PM that night. it was such a fun day.
how many other days did I forget to ask the Lord for help?? And If I did ask-- did I have the faith to listen to the answer??
also lately:
Me and Rob got in a big fight. It was about the Sabbath Day and how to observe it. I know stupid right?? Some how it seemed worth it at the time. It is something we have fought a lot about too. I was so heated that I decided to walk to church. This is no small task seeing that I live 5 miles from church and being pregnant in sandals walking over dirt roads and train tracks- it took an hour and a half. I wanted to turn around a gazillion times, not to go apologize but just to go home and go back to bed. I wanted to stop at Wendy's and grub on some bacon! I wanted to stop at the nail salon I passed by and rest and get a pedicure! But the spirit told me I needed to be at church. I was too stubborn to get a ride form anyone and kept on walking. I sat in the back careful to not sit by Rob. The speaker started and low and behold started talking about ways to create peace in her home. She talked about her and her spouse having arguments over the Sabbath day. She talked about how a fool is quick to anger and how it is just not worth it to fight over such a small thing. I felt rebuked and repented!!!!!! I was so grateful that I had gone to church instead of staying in bed. What a great lesson I have learned that will stick with my for life and have change the dynamics of my marriage. There were a lot of key things I had heard that day that will stick with me for a long time.
another:
Praying for more faith in our Government. Then seeing tax laws renewed in the final hours of 2010! The tax laws have helped us greatly reduce the loss on our rental! A miracle. Trying to be more optimistic about God taking care of me and enjoying the day, the moment, knowing that his ways are true and just and perfect-- so what do I have to worry about??!!! Nothing! He is the ultimate protector and provider.
Reading the latest talk on Faith- Richard G. Edgley from last General Conference- "Faith the Choice is yours" he says that he has not seen Faith move an actual mountain but he has seen Faith move a mountain of despair and doubt and replace it with hope and optimism. I have personally felt this this past year. My marriage that was crumbling has become strong. Our personal Finances have received a boost, My whole Paradigm has changed. My view on life is drastically different.
This has all happened from FAITH. Faith leading me to Personal Prayer, then listening to the Spirits answers after I have prayed and doing what was asked of me even though I didn't know how it would turn out. I have found so much joy in the simple things life brings. I have found joy in listening to the Spirits guidance. It seemed there are a gazillion examples of blessings in my life as a result from faith but this is getting lengthy already so I will spare you!!
I know that no matter how infinite your circumstances seem, your eyes will be opened and you will be led out of your despair and into a better place.
I'm not sure why I wrote all of this but I felt like I should so I did!!!! I hope that it benefits someone out there reading it.
Love April
6 comments:
I love you xoxo. I was just thinking TODAY that I needed to start a better personal pray and study time. It is truly amazing what it can do for us. I love your stories. They brought tears to my eyes. I have been there and not wanted to see or hear what the Lord was putting right in front of me and walked around blind. It is so great to have those wake up calls. It is always amazing to look back and see how one tiny step had created a huge beautiful landscape. You are awesome. Thank you for sharing your stories xoxo love you
I love this. And I have to say, the best teacher on personal prayer that I have ever had was your father. I still struggle following his advice and teachings, but he is awesome.
And so are you!
Extremely inspirational April! I think even when you are doing daily personal prayer, it can get monotonous and like you are just going through the motions. I have to remember every time I pray that I shouldn't just press play on the pre-recorded prayer and remember that there are so many things to thank God for, and that our prayers should be different almost everyday! Dustin and I have had our own misunderstandings when it comes to getting answers to our prayers. We never understood it at the time, but wouldn't be where we are today without those answers. We all think we know what's best for ourselves and forget that God's running the show and we just need to follow his cues.
Loved this post Ape!
Thanks April for sharing your blessings and your faith! Roy & I had to speak in church the day after Christmas recently and it was on "Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy" which flooded all these ideas of things we could do as a family. I have just been trying to see how to present it to the family so that it isn't taken grudgingly especially with step-kids. Hopefully we will do better with one step at a time. :) Thanks again for everything...you are such a great example! Love ya!
Wonderful post, thank you April. I've had many paradigm shifting moments like that too... the gospel is amazing!
I am sitting here in tears. I needed to hear this so badly. It fits my life for me so much right now. Thank you for being brave enough to share and open up on your blog. So many times I feel like you only read peoples blogs and see the "perfect" side of life. I kind of hate reading others blogs for that reason, cause I always wonder what is 'really' wrong in their life so that it doesn't make me feel bad and compare myself. It is very refreshing and humbling cause you are so great about being upbeat and positive when I talk to you. At any rate... thank you! :)
Post a Comment